


alive and breathing

by starryastronaut



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I don't know how to tag can you tell, M/M, Nightmares, because I love torturing myself, because i needed a little fluff after that, do nightmares count as angst? whatever, none of this iw nonsense in my house! here we ignore all iw happenings with pride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 03:23:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryastronaut/pseuds/starryastronaut
Summary: Bucky has a nightmare, not for the first time. Steve helps comforting him, not for the first time.





	alive and breathing

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at summaries but there is literally no other plot than that. I also suck at titles but what can I do  
> This was lowkey inspired by the song 4AM by Olivver the Kid - really only lowkey
> 
> I hope you enjoy, thanks for clicking!

It’s hot. Too hot. A glimpse of an explosion, the utter dread in his gut. Bucky wants to cry out but he inhales flames and chokes on heavy air. He is searching for something **—** someone. His arm burns but when he turns to look, there is nothing there, only a phantom of what had been. Then, a sudden rush of freezing cold. The fire is gone but his arm is still burning. This time, a chunk of ice replaces the phantom. The hand - his hand - at the end of the ice is gripping someone by their neck. The breathing on the ice is clouding up their face, until it stutters and cuts out and he can see who he is clasping. When Bucky recognises who it is, he wants to scream and let go but neither works. The ice breaks away, revealing his metal arm, vines of hydra-looking patterns creeping up on it, the HYDRA logo where the red star used to be. It contrasts with the star and stripes currently lifelessly dangling from the end of it. Bucky can feel his eyes pricking with the promise of tears that never come because something won’t let him. He shakes his head with his eyes squeezed shut, trying to drown out his surroundings, trying to wish it all away. He feels himself trembling. Is he trembling? He is being shaken— 

Suddenly, he finds himself in his bed, bathed in sweat, a figure dark against the pitch black room hovering above him with a hand on his shoulder. He definitely is trembling. His first instinct is to tackle the person above him, but the firm grip with thumbs drawing soothing circles and a low voice hushing and repeating that it’s alright are enough for him to know it isn’t necessary, even when he is still half in a dream haze.

"You had a nightmare again, you’re safe now," the all too familiar voice says after a few moments of Bucky calming down and evening his breathing after sitting up.

The bed dips when Steve finally stops hovering and decides to sit beside him. After a moment, he leans over and envelops Bucky in a hug, as he always does - he knows Bucky likes the comfort after this, even when he never directly asks. Why Steve chooses to do it even with Bucky bathed in sweat - and probably tears - like this was beyond him—though, he supposes he would do the same if the roles were reversed. He decides not to dwell on it and rather enjoys the hug that’s grounding him with all his senses and pulling him away from the last ounces of dread he felt.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Steve lowly asks into Bucky’s neck after a few moments of silence.

Bucky thinks about the question and turns it over in his head, trying to think of what exactly his dream had been depicting. The hand comfortingly running up and down his back gives him the confidence of being able to talk about it.

"Well-" he clears his throat before continuing - had he been screaming, too? Probably, how else would Steve know he was having a bad dream again? - "I think it was back when you got us all out- in the Alps. Everything was blowing up around us again," he licks his lips and concentrates on the hand on his back and the low rumble he could not only hear but feel whenever Steve hummed in signal that he was listening, "my arm was gone but it felt like it was burning in the flesh and then I was looking for you but you were nowhere and I was so scared that you were gone," his words got quicker to the end and he grasps Steve a little tighter, as if to convince himself that it really was just a dream. He goes on, "Then I strangled someone with my metal arm which was overflowing with hydra symbols and I saw it was you! I- I had strangled you with my own hand, I-" he stops himself.

His breathing must have become quicker once more because Steve hushes him again and started rocking a bit. "I’m safe now, it was just a dream. And you’re safe." And then he kept lowly repeating, "We’re safe." for a few times. Bucky closes is eyes and lets the terrors of the night finally wash away completely with Steve’s voice in his ear and Steve’s rumble in his torso and just Steve here in his arm, alive and well and breathing.

After what felt like a lifetime and only a few seconds simultaneously, Bucky breaks away from the hug and glances at the clock on his night stand. 4 o'clock in the morning. "I think I’ll get a quick shower to get rid of this sweat," he chuckles, "and to clear my head a bit more." Steve nods, that’s all Bucky can see in the dark. "I’m sorry I woke you up."

"Not at all, I’d rather be able to wake you than you not waking up or dealing with it on your own."

Bucky smiles, even though he is failry sure Steve can’t see his expressions either. He finds Steve’s hand and gives it a quick squeeze before heading to the bathroom.

 

When he comes back from the 5 minute shower, he isn’t at all surprised to find Steve still sitting on his bed in a slightly different spot. He probably changed the covers ‒ conveniently, there are almost always some ready to exchange next to the bed so they don’t have to do all the work in the middle of the night, since these nights are sadly nothing out of the ordinary (more often than not it’s better than sleeping in nightmare-sweat and tears).

Bucky doesn’t bother tying up his damp hair before sitting himself back down next to Steve.

"Feel better?"

"A lot more with you here."

Steve chuckles and takes Bucky’s hand to squeeze it. "Let’s try to get some more shut-eye."

"Yeah."

Bucky settles into the sheets and turns to Steve who still settles himself. They both end up facing each other. "Thank you," Bucky hums. He really is thankful for Steve being by his side in moments like this. He doesn’t think he would feel at ease so naturally if it wasn’t for him.

Steve shifts a bit closer and puts his arm around Bucky’s back like there was no other option, like it’s the most natural and intuitive thing to do. ‒ And it is. it truly is. It’s always been like this. It’s always been this. Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

"You don’t need to thank me," Steve mumbles into Bucky’s hair. He plants a little kiss there and tucks his head into a comfortable position, pulling Bucky impossibly closer. "I’ll fight your nightmares away this time. Good night, Buck," he still adds, almost drifting to sleep already. It’s cheesy, it’s endearing, it’s so _Steve_.

"Good night, Steve," Bucky replies fondly, closing his eyes to drift into a peaceful slumber himself.

Yeah, it’s always been this.

Steve alive and breathing, holding him close.

They are safe.

He is safe.

Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I'm always up for improvement, so if you have any tips, don't hold back!
> 
> idk why you would wanna but you can find me on twitter as @asterrhoid !!
> 
> peace out


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